Infertility, Miscarriage, Heartbreak, and Hope – My Pregnancy Journey
This is far from my comfort zone of “normal blog topics”, and it’s taken me awhile to hit the “post” button on this particular blog. I LOVE sharing my life with all of you through television and social media, but I’ve always kept the super personal aspects between me and my family. However, recently Tim and I went through a hard situation and the more I thought about it, even though it’s easier to keep quiet and move on, I realized that sharing my experience might help others who are dealing with something similar. So here we go…
Let me start by saying our road to growing a family has not been the easiest. I know there are a lot of people who are reading this and are struggling to grow their family, so if that’s you, I want to tell you that there are others on the same challenging path and you’re not on your own. This topic is something that people often hide (myself included) because it can be uncomfortable/embarrassing/sad/frustrating/isolating and so many more emotions that make us feel vulnerable and unwilling to open up. People who haven’t dealt with this don’t always know how to react or what to say so sometimes it’s easier to just brush it under the rug. But today I decided to do my part to normalize it. It’s SO hard to go through but so many women do it every single day so I’m speaking up and hoping my voice can reach someone who finds comfort in knowing THIS IS NORMAL. WE ARE NORMAL. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. WE CAN GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER.
Our struggles began three years ago when we were ready for a baby and after a year of trying, we realized it wasn’t happening on our own and decided to go see a fertility specialist. After months and months of doctor’s appointments, blood tests, and monitoring, I found out that I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome – you can google it if you want more information) and that getting pregnant naturally might never happen for us. So we started fertility treatments and after a failed attempt and adjusting the medications, we eventually got pregnant with Leni through the method of IUI (Intrauterine Insemination combined with Femera and Ovidrel). It’s basically the step you try before IVF so it’s less invasive and intense, but still pretty high maintenance and required me to take months off from traveling/working so I could be available for all of the appointments.
If you’re reading this, you’ve probably seen my 439849823 posts about her and know that Leni joined us nine months later on January 12, 2017 (the best day of our lives), after a very successful pregnancy. God made us work for it, but delivered the most beautiful, sassy, hilarious baby I could ever dream of. However, looking back, the journey to get to that day was stressful, exhausting, hard on our marriage, hard on my body, and there were many nights I would cry myself to sleep wondering if I’d ever be able to have a baby. In high school, I was voted “First to Get Married and Have Children” because everyone knew it was my dream to have a family. Although it took me a few years to find Tim because he was hiding from me in North Carolina (we only met when I was 25), having babies was a lifelong goal of mine, so the idea of my body not allowing it was heartbreaking. I remember feeling alone going through fertility treatments and sometimes I still do when I think about doing it over again. At the time I didn’t know ANYONE who had ever dealt with infertility so I honestly felt like my world was ending and my body was giving up on me and Tim. Since going through it, I’ve learned that sooooo many people deal with infertility and have similar experiences. So the more people talk about it, the less stigma associated with the topic of pregnancy and infertility and the more comfort we can all have in knowing this is REAL LIFE, and it’s not always picture-perfect like society (and social media) makes it out to be.
Fast forward to last month when I was in Canada visiting my family…I was heading to my friend’s wedding, and I knew there would be plenty of wine and drinks consumed and just to be safe, I took a pregnancy test. Tim and I had talked about trying for Baby #2 at some point this year but we never really made a decision and I didn’t have any expectations, because I was basically told I’d never get pregnant naturally, so I almost fainted when I saw the result. I seriously started hyperventilating all by myself in the bathroom. The test was POSITIVE!!!! No fertility drugs. No blood tests or monitoring or sterile doctor’s offices. I was PREGNANT naturally and it did not feel like real life. I FaceTimed Tim (who was home in North Carolina) immediately and even though he was in a room with some of our friends, I showed him the test and everyone started celebrating. I kept thinking that this was God’s way of giving us an easier journey the second time around since the first time was so challenging.
Well, it turns out I was wrong. I misread God’s game plan and this wasn’t the “big break” we were hoping for in the pregnancy department. Before we even had time to let the news sink in, I started to cramp and then I started to bleed, and it got progressively worse. Since I was in Canada, I didn’t have access to my normal doctor in North Carolina or my insurance plan or anything remotely comforting, so I had to spend the night in the ER to do blood tests and be monitored to see what was happening. I tried to keep a positive attitude and hope for the best, but after hours and hours of sitting in the hospital chair waiting, the doctor called me to her room and told me I was having a miscarriage. My heart broke. I was completely crushed.
I’ve had so many mixed emotions over having a miscarriage. I’ve wondered, is it because I’m so busy? Is my hectic schedule too stressful for me to keep a healthy pregnancy? Did I bring this on myself? If I would’ve stayed home and not traveled so much, would I still be pregnant? A million thoughts have crossed my mind, but I try so hard to stifle the negative thoughts and focus on the future. It doesn’t all make sense right now, but what I do know is that God has a plan for our family and this pregnancy wasn’t meant to be. I remind myself that 20% of women have a miscarriage in their lives. That number is HUGE. So if you think of every woman you know, 1 in 5 of them could be experiencing the same heartbreak at some point.
As I’m writing this, I still haven’t told many people about what happened. The only people who know are Tim, my parents, and two of my close friends. As I’ve mentioned, this topic is so hard for me to talk about (if you’re a close friend of mine, I apologize for telling you this in a blog post!). I don’t know if there’s ever an appropriate time for an “I just had a miscarriage” group text with all your friends, so I just kept it quiet. I’m not one to dwell on negative things or look for sympathy, so the only way I felt comfortable sharing this very personal experience is knowing that I have a platform that reaches so many people and someone out there might need this story in their life today. Someone might read this and see hope and support as they continue battling whatever journey they’re on, whether it be infertility or something else.
So that’s my story. Whether you had the easiest pregnancy or whether you’re still trying to conceive, there are people in the same boat. I look at Leni every day and thank God that I was able to have her, and hopefully someday down the road she’ll get a sibling to play with, whether through fertility treatments or naturally. God has a plan for all of us. So wherever you are on your journey, have faith that it’s where you’re meant to be.
Xx Eva
God is good. It’s hard to understand why these sad situations come up but you’re doing a good thing by remembering it’s all in his plan.
And now I’m crying at work. Hugs to all
Thank you for your openness and your honesty .. I am sorry for your loss and pray that God will bring healing to you and Tim as you follow HIS path in your lives.. May God shower many many blessings down on you..
Such a nice post. I feel like I have had many of the same experiences. Leni is the cutest! I had success with myo-insitol. Basically improves your egg quality. For us, it gave us our baby! Best wishes!
You’ve explained what I, and so many other ladies, have experienced and are currently going through, beautifully.
Thank you, deeply.
I am going to share this with both of my girls who have PCOS…one dealing w/ infertility and on the road to adopt. The other unsure of what it may mean for her. You have a sweet, wonderful spirit of hope…thank you for sharing your personal journey. ♥️
Thank you for sharing this. I understand your journey, my husband and I went through IVF to have our daughter too. You’re right, its a difficult road but its also a lot more common than you realize! I appreciate you using your platform to speak out to the infertility community! <3
This just hit home for me in so many ways. I follow you and watch you with Leni and watch her grow. I just had a miscarriage actually still going through one and I loose hope everytime it happens. I enjoy reading that somebody has gone through what I’ve gone through and can understand. My goal is to one day be able to meet you. You’re such an inspiration for me. You’re a wonderful mother, and so many more. Thank you for sharing your story.
Eva, thank you so much for sharing from your heart. Your words are a blessing to all of us. I’m so sorry for your loss. You seem so positive all the time so sometimes I forget that your a normal person who goes thru the same struggles as us “common folk”. 🙂
Sending my prayers to you and your family.
Maria
My heart goes to you and your family. Will keep you in our prayers. ❤️ It helps to open up about these types of things, thank you for sharing and stay strong beautiful.
my mom had a miscarriage and it was probably the worst thing i’ve even been through. i was only 8 years old but i remember every minute of it like it was yesterday. it was so hard one doctors appointment heading my baby sister’s heartbeat and the next getting told there is no heartbeat. and seeing my mom so hurt was definitely the hardest thing i’ve ever been through. 6 years later it’s still a soft subject and i constantly still think: why would God do this to us? How would life be different if i we had a baby around the house? we all blamed ourselves and it took my mom a year to physically recover, so hearing your story really helped us, You’re so strong and i look up to you in every way and love watching your stories on here! Thank you for being so amazing Eva!!
This touched me in so many ways. God is good all the time and all the time God is good. We may not always understand his plan but faith as small as a mustard seed is all it takes.
You are so brave for posting this. You are also not alone. Similar story to mine, and I also did not know how common it was, and felt alone the whole time. Thank you, Eva!!!
Thank you for sharing this life experience ❤️❤️ My best friend has been struggling to conceive for the last 10 years with her husband and has gone through all the possible options of fertility treatments… they are expecting their first baby in 6 weeks ❤️ We have both gained so much insight and gratefulness from her story and yours. Thank you again and our prayers are with you and your family ?
Girl, you have such a good heart! When I come up on hard times or situations I am always reminded that God gives us mountains to climb and the strength to climb them. Stay strong and persevere!
Thank you so much for this post. I have had 2 miscarriages and have felt so many emotions about it. I’ve been on the fence about starting IUI because I wanted to try and it do it all natural. But by reading your post you have given me the nudge I need to start IUI so I too can have my baby! Thank you for sharing such a personal part of your life. More people in this situation need to share their story because it can make you feel so isolated and alone!
Eva,
I’m so sorry that you have had to go through this journey. You are incredibly selfless to have shared your story. It’s reassuring to read this and hear your positivity still come through so strongly. God will never give us more than we can handle but some days I feel pushed to my limit; I’m sure you can relate. Many prayers and much love to you and your family! Here’s hoping God has a plan of many more children in your future. ❤️
Emily
Praying for you Eva and your family! And I’m so sorry to hear of this… but just keep trying and keep trusting in God!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I too have been through similar events in my life and it is always comforting to hear that there are other woman dealing with the same situation. I am so sorry for your loss. God has a plan for everyone! Sending love your way!
God has placed you in the world perfectly. Yes as I also know the deepest sorrow of losing a baby I wanted with all my heart I experienced the greatest joy when God healed those tears and gave me Holly Elizabeth shortly after my extreme loss. God makes us brave and you are living that for the world to see. Thanks for your faith and compassion. God bless you!
Eva, thank you for sharing your story and honesty. Sometimes we tend to forget that just because you are famous that you are human as well. I’ve know several people with the struggle of trying to conceive and miscarrying. Your story will inspire a lot of women and will also give a lot of women courage and hope. I hate that anyone would have to go through these struggles may God bless you and your family!
Thank you so much for sharing your story, and I am so very sorry for the heartache you have had to endure, I know it’s one of the hardest things to go through in your lifetime. I have a condition called Uterus Didelphys, where I actually have two uterus’s instead of just one. Because of this, I have had so many miscarriages I stopped counting at 6. I’ve been married to my husband for 5 years and we want so badly to start a family. We are currently 6 weeks pregnant and things seem to be going well, but it’s a very uneasy feeling when you don’t know when/if you are going to miscarry again. You don’t know how to feel, should you feel excited and then have your heart crushed? I’m thinking very positively, and medically I am in the best hands for my condition so all I can do is pray that this time, is finally the right time.
I wish you love, light, and happiness, and pray that your beautiful little family does grow one day, your child/children are SO blessed to have such an amazing mother and role model to look up to. ❤️
Thank you for sharing your truly hard experience. I too have experienced loss. It is always hard to talk about but I feel it has given me a different perspective and a greater appreciation for the children I now have. Shortly after my husband and I were married (4 months) we found out we were expecting. We were so excited but our happiness ended quite abruptly as the pregnancy ended in miscarriage only a week after we found out. We were heartbroken but felt like it’s something that happens to lots of people so we would try again and things would be alright. 5 months after that we found we were expecting again. We were ecstatic and just wanted to tell the whole world. And we did start telling people around 11 weeks. But once we were 12 weeks I felt that familiar cramping and my heart sank. I spent the evening in the ER and they confirmed again that I was in fact miscarrying. It was hard and even harder was trying to tell people who we had already told the bad news. After the second miscarriage we were told to try again but my body stopped cooperating. We spent a whole year and a half trying but not getting a positive result. Then we started different tests and scans to see what the issue may be and found out some interesting things about me. Eventually my husband and I gave up hope of having our own kids and started to research adoption options. But no sooner as we did that in June of 2013 I took a test. It was positive. I was so excited but Terrified of going through another miscarriage so I called my doctor. He ended up putting me on a blood thinner as they had found some markers in my blood tests that indicated I had a blood clotting issue or protein S deficiency. So since finding that I have had 3 babies come to our family and only because I took a needle each day of my pregnancies. And that part was hard too but so worth it in the end. We now have 3 beautiful children Emmy(4), Walker(2), and Anika(5 mo.). I thank my father in heaven everyday for the family he had blessed us with. And I am so grate for modern day medicine that has allowed us to have children at all. There are so many women with similar stories and it almost brings us together if we share them and help lift each other even in our greatest sorrows. I know we have a Heavenly Father who loves each of us and knows each of our circumstances. He is mindful of that. Not everyone will get the same results but that’s because every life story is different. Life would be boring if we were all the same. Thanks again for sharing Eva!
Thanks Eva! I have PCOS as well, I was diagnosed when I was 16. Now I’m 22 and trying to start a family. Thanks for the words! It can happen to anyone 🙂
Eva I’m so sorry to hear you went through this. It isn’t easy being open about something so personal but you absolutely will help somebody by sharing your story! Big hugs to you & Tim and prayers for a future happy & healthy sibling for sweet Leni xo
Thank you for sharing something that’s so difficult and emotional to speak about. So many struggle with these things and it’s easier knowing we’re not alone! God allowing you to go through this experience only gives you the strength and knowledge to help others with your encouragement and strong influence.
Thanks for sharing. There are many women out there that need to hear they are not the only ones going through this. I, myself went through 10 years of fertility treatments. Suffered four miscarriages and thought a child was never in my future. I ended up finding an awesome girl who was not ready to be a parent and my husband and I adopted an awesome baby boy! He’s 23 now and been a blessing. Girls, while it seems all your friends and family are having babies and those invitations to all those baby showers always hurt a little bit, God has a plan for you. Keep the faith. Your oath will come to light!
Yes God is definitely in control! After trying for 5 years we gave up after our fertility doc said it was less than a 2 % chance with a donor egg. Two years later we were pregnant naturally but unfortunately at 8 weeks we loss it. Fast forward 4 months and we are pregnant again. We just hit the 2nd trimester! I keep worrying that something bad may happen but I know that God has a purpose for each and every storm we endure. Keep faith and never ever give up!!! You are truly an inspiration. Thank you for talking about something that is so hard to discuss. I will keep you and your beautiful family in my prayers!
Eva, you are so brave to share this journey with us. Just as you said the other day God has a plan for us and we need to trust it. You have a wonderful family and I’m sure you will be blessed with more children because you’re such a great mom!!! Thank you for sharing your journey so other women going through this won’t feel so alone. ❤️ Hugs and can’t wait to hear the great news because it will happen for you guys again!
Eva, I’ve always thought you were a pretty incredible woman. But this post! This post is amazing and heart breaking all in one. I also suffer from PCOS and suffered my second, 2nd trimester loss last month. Heartbreaking doesn’t even begin to describe it. I suffered through 6+ years of infertility before my daughter was born via a surrogate(my sister in law actually carried her for my husband and i)!! I get it, girl. Know you’re not alone. Thinking of you..❤
Eva,
God has given you two babies to love. One on earth and one in heaven. I too have PCOS and have suffered 7 miscarriages before doing IVF which worked the first time! I became pregnant with our daughter, Francesca only to give birth at exactly 20 weeks due to an incompetent cervix. I had a cerclage places at UNC Hospital and we then went back and did IVF again became pregnant! I miscarried at 6 weeks. We waited and tried one more time and became pregnant with twins via IVF. Abigail, our daughter met you at Cabelas in Garner during Ladies Day Out when you were pregnant. Will, our an was too shy to pose with such a beautiful woman inside and out. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is difficult to talk about indeed but I believe our “sisterhood” is strong and with the help of one another we can break the stigma! Don’t let this latest chapter be the end of your story, keep writing your book of life. It is just beginning. I’m here and local if you need a friend who’s been there and can’t offer you comfort and support. God bless you for sharing. Love your infertility sister!
I follow you daily watch every video you post I remember the post from the wedding you were just in I would have never thought you were going threw anything like this I’m so sorry . My husband and I have been trying for the last year and we are at the point now were we have to decide what we are going to do next and this made me feel normal reading this. It’s so hard every month getting aunt flow and people asking are you still trying ,your not pregnant yet , people don’t realize the pain those simple questions cause. I know god has a plan and it happens when he wants it to happen but it is just hard sometimes
I have followed you and your dad for years, I’ve always looked up to you as a fellow woman in the hunting and fishing world. I too, am 1 in 5 woman who have had a miscarriage and then struggled for a long time to have a baby. My sweet precious little boy Granger came into this world on April 21, 2017. I thank God every single day for him. Thank you so much for sharing this.
Eva,
You are such a strong and inspirational woman! Those are two traits I thoroughly admire about you. I can only imagine how it feels to have all these people on social media asking constantly about you being pregnant, giving Leni Bow a sibling, ect. But you handle all of those situations with grace and positivity. Your words always inspire me to be a better wife, Mom (some day), and advocate for the outdoors.
So thank you for being such a light and role model for so many women.
Keeley Raye ?
Eva,
I am so sorry to read of your recent miscarriage. My heart breaks for any woman that goes through this. Thank you for sharing that. I am one of five children in my family, four of us being girls, and all of my sisters have miscarried at least once. It’s a fear I live with as I’d like to grow my family one day. When I was around 20 weeks pregnant, my younger sister was going through her second miscarriage. I was the one to take her to her doctor to get the news. It was a very, very difficult day. But something she said to me the next day was so amazing, the way her faith remained strong and on the forefront was amazing. She said to me, “Amanda, I know this is God’s plan. I will have my emotions to go through, but I trust this is God’s plan. If I can’t have my next baby “naturally” and I need the help of science, then so be it. Without God, there would be no science.” So, please don’t give up. The treatments you did before for help with Leni may be the way you need to go. And you know what? That’s okay. Praying for you, Tim, and your family that you have the family you want someday. Much love from Texas!
Eva, that must have been so hard for you to write. I’m sitting here, tears rolling down my face that you had to go through that. You’re absolutely right though, you have to stay positive! Leni is so incrediblely lucky to have you as her mom. I wish you all the best in the future ?
Thank you for sharing. I know your heartbreak so well. I’ve had 3 miscarriages in the last year and there are really no words to describe that kind of pain. But I get to rejoice that one day we’ll meet those sweet babies in heaven and I remind myself that God works all things together for the good of those who love him.
Eva, first let me say thank you for sharing your story. I do find comfort knowing that in this world I am not alone. I too have been diagnosed with PCOS and have been on a year long fertility journey (fertility treatments,injections,doctor after doctor visits…you know the drill).I know God has a plan for me and someday I hope to find out what that is. I appreciate you putting into words how I’m feeling. I too didn’t want to share this topic, and still don’t. Many of my family and friends don’t even know what I have been going though. I think God tells us when it is our time to share and I think he did that for you today. I hope someday I am lucky enough to have a baby. My heart feels for you at the loss of your second. Your angel baby is now with the Lord.
This whole process can cover so many ranges of emotions.
There IS a difference between sympathy and empathy and so that’s why I think it is important for women like us to share our stories when we are ready. We can support each other, give each other strength and pray for each other. I’ve had a hard time sharing, especially with people who don’t truly understand the pain because I dread their comments. I know they come from a place of love,but sometimes their words are somewhat empty. You are right. We are normal. This is normal. This is a colorful journey in many ways and I hope that whatever anyone is going through they find peace in knowing that they are not alone. I know I felt that today for the first time in a while. Thank you ❤️
As I read this I was only then reminded how blessed I am to have my babies. At 15 I was told if never have kids because I had pcos. Which at that time wrecked my hopes and dreams. I met my husband when I was 18 and I didn’t know how to tell him. Well I found out at 20 I was pregnant and was 3 weeks. I called and told him and minutes later he rushed to be by my side. Later that night I had my first miscarriage. After being in the ER for what felt like a day I went home. After that I had 7 more experiences so we made doc appointments and such to make sure I was able to carry they again said it would be hard. On oct. 31 2010 it happened an accident and unplanned oops. 2 weeks of trying to take my mind off of it. I called my doc she said relax let ur mind slow down. And come and see me. I went in to her office and she said it “Your pregnant”. So what now she said u go home and don’t stress. I did exactly that did not stress. Needless to say one 7 and one 4…. Best part is I proved all of the doctors wrong that it can happen and when God’s involved he will show you how things can be different then what the odds are set for…. it’s hard but going forward with life were there’s a will there will be a way…. God bless
Eva, I love following you on FB and have grown to love your little family! My little girl is six months older than Leni, and many times her and I have watched Leni’s videos, sharing her first’s with smiles and tears. I am so very sorry to hear of your struggles and loss! I know your pain very well, and my heart hurts for you! My prayers go out for you and your family! You see, my little girl’s adoption will be finalized this fall…after 12 miscarriages and a historectomy 6 yrs ago, God gave us our little blessing when she was 4 days old, and abandoned by her birth parents. God always has a plan, and I feel so blessed to have been given our little Andee, when I had given up on parenthood completely! I know He has great plans for your family, and look forward to seeing it grow in His time. I have complete and total faith that it will very soon!!
Sending love in this very difficult time!!
Allison
This is the worst feeling anyone could ever feel. I always wonder why.Crazy how similar our stories are (met my forever at 25) tried to conceive for two years that ended in two miscarriages and finally had our rainbow willow on Jan 12,2017 the same as Leni! Bout six months ago had a third miscarriage at three months after surprisingly conceiving and it’s heartbreaking. I feel your pain . So sorry for your loss and thank you for speaking out because miscarriage is a real devastating thing that a lot of people are afraid to talk about like myself. This is my first post ever . Sending love and hugs to you because god has something amazing coming your way ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing this. My husband and I have been trying for over a year to have a baby with no luck and it is absolutely heart breaking. This gives me some hope. ❤️
This has been one of the most “real life” things I’ve read since having a miscarriage after three perfect/easy pregnancies. It is by far the most devastating when your mind takes you to all the questions of why’s, what-if’s & how it’s just not fair. Thank you for sharing & prayers for healing. I, to, hope to expand my family with at least one more but there is definitely a healing process necessary for comfort.
Eva,
My husband and myself have followed you for years now and adore your personality, beliefs, faith, etc., and we love the outdoors too! We also live in NC now (my husband is in the military), but we’re originally from PA. After two and a half years of marriage, we just came to find out a few weeks ago, I also have PCOS… It has been A LOT to digest; a family has been my one known dream in life and this post really hit home for me. I know God’s plan will always prevail, and I pray and pray to someday have a child of our own. Best wishes to you continuing to grow your beautiful family! So, thank you so much for sharing your story! ❤️
Such a hard story to share! I’m so sorry for your loss! I had a miscarriage before my first son was born and it was the most devastating and emotional time of my life. Not to long after I found out I was pregnant with my son; my whole pregnancy was a dream come true; until our worse nightmare came true. My son was born and emergency transported to a children’s hospital where he was diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart syndrome (HLHS) he was missing half of his little heart and we had no idea if he would survive or not! At just 7 days old he had his first (of many) open heart surgery; which thankfully was a success! But we leave each day on pins a needles praying and keeping faith that god will protect and care for our son! Right now he is a healthy ( even though he has a sick heart) 4 year old, and we are now expecting baby #02 another little boy! After many ultrasounds and specialized testing we found out that this little boy I am now carrying is heart healthy! Miscarriage, infertility and even infant sickness is never an easy road to go down! And I have found that by sharing our stories we are able to heal a little bit faster each day; although we never fully recover from such events! Thank you for sharing your journey and helping me feel comfortable to share my story with you! May god bless you and your family and I pray for a sibling healthy and strong for your daughter
Eva,
You just wrote out my (almost) exact story. With my son, we were able to get pregnant right before they were going to suggest IUI with the help some drugs and lots and lots of charting and appointments, etc. It was a very long almost 2 years from the time we started trying to when he was born. Last summer, we decided to start trying for number 2 and to our surprise we fell pregnant the first month of trying. No drugs, charts, or anything it was 100% natural. But after a few days I miscarried. I was devasted. But I reminded myself that it is God’s plan and his plan is perfect. And just 4 months ago we welcomed our daughter into this world. Seeing your babies after so much heartache makes it all worth it in the end because you get to kiss their sweet little faces and praise God for the little blessings he gives you.
Thank you for sharing your story!
Kayla
Hey Eva,
Thanks so much for sharing this. It’s a brave thing to do and also a gift to other women in similar situations. I wanted to offer some hope. I also have PCOS and throughout my 20’s could never get a doctor to diagnose me because similar to you, I did not fit the profile. I am super fit anf active, spend a lot of time traveling, running a business and stressing my little tail off!! They have learned so much more in recent years about types of PCOS thankfully. I was eventually able to get the help and info I needed. Finally at 30 they did bloodwork to confirm when I said I wanted to prepare to start a family in coming years (yes I am a little late to the party).
I was told it may take years but natural conception was possible. I adhered to a low carb diet and all the things PCOS gals are supposed to do. On a deeper level the main component of what I felt was driving my issues changed: Stress. I tend to stress. I am self employed. My husband has a dangerous job as a wildland firefighter, we live our lives by the seasons. When it’s “go time” our lives are wild and crazy! I had to change that. I figured out ways to decompress but still do the things I needed to do. It was hard. It IS hard!!! We tried for a few months and after an early miscarriage which really made me feel awful about my fate as a mother, a few cycles later I got pregnant! I was stunned. I really did not think it would happen. And the funny thing is that I got pregnant two weeks after we moved into our new home and finally found “my place”. I really think managing stress and finding that deeper sense of home and grounding made a huge difference. It’s still early for me on this journey – only 16 weeks pregnant – but every day of it I am in awe of what the human body is capable of. Life is full of surprises.
I also know that for many women with PCOS it can clear up a little after your first baby. It’s like a hormone reset for some women. I also think age allows some of the hormones that drive the issue to decrease which makes conception easier. I know for a fact I would not have been able to have babies in my 20’s because of how off my cycles were. Some things do get easier with time.
In a roundabout way I just wanted to share my experience to give you hope. That natural conception and a healthy full term pregnancy is within reach for you. I have faith!!
I know miscarriage is such a hard thing to go through. And all these steps along the way can test a marriage and your own heart in ways that you might not have imagined. But at the end of the day new life comes in it’s own time and way. It can be such a test of patience and perseverance! I know you will get through this and be stronger for it.
All the best, Eva! Thanks for being brave and sharing your story. I am praying for you.
Big heart hugs!
Renee
Very brave of you to share your personal story Eva, so proud of you and love you to the moon and back. ?
Mommy
Hi Eva,
Your story was so inspiring I’m no where near ready just yet to be a mom but my twin sister is going through something very similar she tried for over a year naturally with her husband but like you said they started to notice nothing was happening.. My twin sister always wanted to be a mom & it just broke my heart to see her hurting,frustrated,embarrassed or uncomfortable she was really stressing this subject & I can’t say I blame her.. I’m trying to make her feel positive maybe if I have her read your story she will feel lighter because both my twin & I love you & are also fellow hunters & all about family just like you ?? again you are amazing & a rock like I said you are an inspiration & thank you for reminding me that you are just as normal as people like myself & my twin god bless you & your family & May your journey be smooth healthy & full of adventures ❤️??❤️???
Eva, I don’t only keep up to date with you because my family hunts & love the Shockey’s; I follow because I truly connect with you and I’ve come to care about you and your family. I’ve been through SO many similar events and much of what you say as a Momma makes me laugh because I relate with you and Leni OFTEN! 😛
I feel so sorry about your recent heart break but I do believe many things happen for a reason and there are greater things happening all the time. Tons of love from my family to yours! -Jaime
Thank you so much for sharing your story Eva. Our first daughter was born Jan 1 2017 just before Leni, and we’ve been trying for a sibling for 9 months. It’s hard to remember that God has a plan, but hearing stories like yours definitely gives me hope. Thank you, and I will be praying for you too.
Thank you so sharing. While I’m not married and haven’t been pregnant yet, my sister a few months back announced she was pregnant again (I have a 5 year old niece and a 2 year old nephew) our entire family was overjoyed! But only about 1 1/2 weeks after she announced it, she had a miscarriage. It affected our entire family more than I ever though possible. I’m so sorry for your loss and know I’m praying for you! You may go though a storm but trust me, a rainbow always follows ❤️
Eva,
God does have a plan. I pray he delivers your hopes for a sibling for Leni. His timing is perfect 🙂
God bless you and your family ,
Amy
Eva thank you for sharing your story! What a blessing your sweet leni is. Hugs from one mama with POS to another.
Seriously. Thank you. Continued prayers. You’re so loved. And in the meanwhile, your family is a perfect representation of the Holy Family ?❤
Thank you so much for sharing this! I follow you every day on Instagram! This brings tears to my eyes! I found out I was pregant in June and just a short 4 days later I had the same experience of a miscarriage and spending hours in the ER for testing! I went from being so overjoyed with happiness to so incredibly sad! It was such a rollercoaster of emotions and I struggle with feeling down about it still! But you are so right God has a plan! & I hope someday I will get to be a mom! Thank you for bringing such a positive outlook!
Much love from Washington state!
-Tasha
Eva have faith and God will make a way! I suffered three losses before finally birthing my rainbow twin boys last October! The road is long and hard but well worth it in the end!
XOXO ,
Another mom who struggled ????
It’s such a struggle starting to grow your family. After me and my husband were married we started talking about trying and I sware the first try it happened for us (our daughter just turned 8). Then a couple years later we thought ok let’s try again, after 5 months we were pregnant (and I was shocked about it taking 5 months) then a week after finding out sure enough I had a miscarriage (also from Canada so same thing a ER wait). We were devastated. I was convinced I done it to myself because I mowed the grass with the tractor. Few months later let’s try again, one year later after taking ok this isn’t going to happen again for us sure enough we were pregnant (our son is now 4). But when trying it totally consumes your life, I became obsessed. I know it’s hard to not think of and no doubt you are seeing pregnant women everywhere now (that’s what happened to me). But after awhile you come to realize it just wasn’t the time, that thought never sunk in until our son was born. Sorry to hear about your struggles becoming pregnant but just hold on hope and you have Leni so you know it can happen for you. It’s one of those things that unless you lived through a miscarriage you won’t understand.
Know that you sharing your story has helped others in your shoes and that think they are alone.
Take care and good luck! ?
Thank you for sharing! I too have Pcos, I was blessed to have my son 10 years ago naturally but at a very young age. I went through treatment (Clomid, monitoring, timed intercourse) to try and conceive with my husband these last few years. I am now 23 weeks pregnant with a little girl. God does have his plan for each of us and to know your not alone is a huge relief. The sharing of your story is helping women who may be depressed as they struggle with infertility. Thank you for helping normalize this. We all need to know we arent alone.
Casey Annen
American falls, Idaho
This is so brave of you to share! And yes, so many go through it! Miscarriages are terrible, but the best thing you can do is keep preserving! I miscarried and was beyond beside myself, the doctor told me that it was safe to try again soon as the bleeding stopped and I felt comfortable. So we did, though maybe unorthodox for some, the morning of our wedding last September I thought it was just the nerves, but figured I’d take a test to see if I could have the champagne to calm the nerves, and that’s when I got the big fat positive! And of coarse we were so busy I didn’t get to tell my now husband until in the middle of our wedding photos!! God has a plan, but he likes to test us! Have faith, stay strong, and most importantly keep doing what makes you, you!
Chin up, and best foot forward! All dreams are attainable, regardless of how we get there! ?
Eva, it takes so much courage to talk about such an emotional, personal and still fresh topic. I myself have suffered miscarriage, not once but 3 times before we got our sweet rainbow. You are absolutely not alone. I still have moments of tears just thinking about them. But know that it’s not your fault. Afterwards it’s those feeling of guilt and what ifs that plague us. You are so courageous to talk about your journey and experience. I will be praying for your continued peace and comfort. He has a plan for you <3 <3
God Bless You, Tim, and Leni. Y’all are an amazing family who have such admirable strength! Y’all are amazing parents and the more blessings y’all bring into this world, the better. Thanks for being real!
Sending you much love. My heart just breaking for you. You are so brave for writing this post.
I’m not a hunter. But, my husband is and how I found you…. I’m not sure. Lol. I just want to say since I’ve been following you… your posts brighten my day and have opened my mind to hunting and how I eat and feed my family. A running joke in our house with my husband when we go to cableas looking for something or eating a meal…. l will say to my hubby….”Eva recommends this…. or that’s not what Eva said.” Lol. You have no idea how many lives you touch on a daily basis. Thank you for being such a positive person. Your joy is infectious.
So, I’m sending you love today. A complete stranger who just wants the joy you give each day to be returned to you.
God Bless ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much for sharing your story. My story is so similar, I also have PCOS…5 years of infertility to conceive my first, another 3 years for my second, then we were blessed with a natural surprise miracle pregnancy last fall only to lose our precious daughter at 16 weeks ? It still breaks my heart every day as we miss what might have been but sharing our story helps others and honors and keep her memory alive. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. You are not alone and you all are in my prayers as you begin healing ❤️
Eva,
I am so sorry for the loss you and Tim have suffered. Thank you for saying what so many of us want to say, but don’t know how! I had a miscarriage two years ago, and it was absolutely devastating. But with every storm is a rainbow (baby!)! Be strong and know that, sadly, you are part of a community of women in the same boat as you!
Eva prayers and loving thoughts to you and your family! I have loved all your posts for years and I’m even in your book group , you’re such an amazing strong woman, but sometimes we forget that everyone has a battle that they are struggling with. Just this last year I was diagnosed with pcos. It’s been one of the hardest years I have had. I’ll keep you in my prayers at night!
Lots of love to you- thank you for continually being a positive impact on woman hunters.
Thanks for sharing Eva. Very brave of you and inspirational. Truely. Thanks 🙂 xo
Eva, I needed this more than ever. My husband and I have been trying now for 2 years and now are on the fertility train with a fertility doctor. I am beyond scared. I want a family. I want people to stop asking “when will you guys have kids.” I also have PCOS and it is hard. The stuggle of never knowing when my period will be here. I cannot tell you how many pregnancy tests I have gone through just to see they are negative. It is truly heartbreaking. I hope one day I have a peanut as beautiful and spunky as Leni! Thank you for showing people it’s okay and many people go through this!
It takes a very brave person to put their heart out to the public. Thank you so much for sharing your story as hard as it may have been I’ve know plenty of women that would love to read this. My heart goes to you and your family
Stephanie
Your such an inspiration an so positive. It’s good to talk about it even though it’s such a hard thing to go though… I’m so sorry for your loss, the 19th of this month marks a year that we lost our little one when I was 11 weeks and I’ve been in a bit of a rut just thinking about it. But there’s always a rainbow at the end of the storm, we had our Rainbow baby this last June and he is absolutely wonderful. Thanking God everyday for the blessings he has given us… love seeing your posts, I will keep y’all in my prayers.
EVA, Thank You.
You are not alone. This journey sure seem dark and impossible but your blog gives me hope that one day, I will get to be the mom I have always wanted to be. <3 You stay strong. #PCOSCYSTERS
Eva,
My husband started following you because of your hobbies and told me that I had to follow this super awesome hunter who has the most adorable baby! And so I did, and your posts about Leni and your family make me so happy and excited for starting my future family. I appreciate you sharing what you have and I can imagine the pain and sadness that had caused you and I don’t know what my journey will be like starting a family, but I know that wherever that road takes us that there’s someone out there who has gone through it; whatever IT may be.
Thank you again!
I’m praying for you and your family!
You are doing an amazing job at life girlfriend, and I respect your strength in posting this x infinity. It’s so humbling seeing someone so wonderful break through the picture perfectness of social media and it takes a $hitload of courage to do so. Keep killing it, my love to all of you ?
Thank you for sharing your story with all of us. I truly hope the best for you and your family. Leni is so cute and I love seeing her dance on your stories. Sending positive energy to you and your family!
Eva,
I admire the bravery and courage it took to share your story with the world. I am so very sorry for your loss. I will absolutely keep you & your family in my prayers. As I was typing this, my Bible app sent me the verse of the day, I’m taking that a sign from God to share with you.. ♥️ “Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation.””
Isaiah 12:2
Xxoo
J
Thank you so much Eva for sharing! It’s exactly what I need to read. I have experienced two miscarriages in the last few months. Both were so unexpected and devistating. Getting pregnant is not the problem which is a blessing so my husband and I have faith that I will have a healthy pregnancy when the time is right.
So brave! Thank you for your obedience in stepping out and sharing. You have such a beautiful heart Eva!
Eva, I have never posted on anyone’s blog before but I am so thankful for this post. I also have lean PCOS and have suffered a miscarriage in the past. It’s something that no one can understand unless they have been through it themselves. Ours was three years ago and I still think about it today. We have had three unsuccessful IUI treatments and are getting ready for our first IVF round…fingers crossed. I hope to someday experience the joy you have with your daughter. Thanks again for your great post!
Thank you for sharing your story! It gives hope to all of us struggling to keep moving forward (like an arrow) and to trust in God’s plan! I too have been struggling for a year and a half and have been crushed month after month. I trust that there will be a day that I will have a bundle of joy to call my own! We are working with the doctors to figure out our reason. It is super stressful/painful/emotional all in one. Prayers to you and Tim!!
Aleesha <3
Hi Eva
Been following you quite a while now.
My baby girl was born litterally a month before Leni (12.12.16)
Had my miscarriage with second baby through IUI about 3 months ago.
Thank you for sharing your story.
One does tend to feel a bit alone through the whole process.
❤️
I have PCOS too! Tried for several months, I found a company called Fairhaven Health, I started taking 2 different fertility boosting supplements/vitamins. My cycle regulated, and a few months later I was finally pregnant. (9 total months of trying) I was hoping that after being pregnant once now, that maybe my body would now know be able to do it easier next time, but we will see, not quite there yet.
Oh gosh Eva! Your story is exactly my story!!!! After YEARS of trying my hubby and I were able to conceive after IUI. And then years later after basically giving up on giving our wonderful daughter Parker a sibling, I found out I was pregnant! A few weeks later on vacation, I ended up in the ER with the same symptoms as you! We lost our baby at 12 weeks ? we were crushed. Then 6 weeks later I found out I was expecting again, this time with twins, but again, I found myself in the ER weeks later and we lost our twins at 12 weeks. We were beyond crushed, it was terrible. I still struggle every day. But praise God, we have a healthy 8yr old girl! I honestly have to make a choice daily to make it a good day because let’s face it, everyday is a reminder of what happened. And you can’t understand the pain until you’ve had this happen. Thank you so much for sharing this, it really does help knowing I am not alone!!!
PS….we live in Monroe NC(right outside Charlotte)!!!!
It’s amazing how your personal story can help others and make them not feel so alone. It must of took a lot of courage to be able to write this.
I know I only see one side of you through social media but this made me think that you go through struggles and challenges too, just like anyone of us, but you always remain positive with your hopeful words and faith. It “rubs off on me” and makes me want to stay positive to others/myself as well. I really look forward to your blog posts, this one hit the heart.
(You’re doing so well with the blogs, its not easy!)
Eva so brave of you to share and you are right more women than anyone can imagine struggle with these issues! We are all in it together! I have also had a miscarriage years ago. My daughter who is now pregnant with her first baby and due in Novemeber miscarried 3 times before getting pregnant. And lastly…and this is the most encouraging part…one of my best friends has PCOS and went through A LOT including ivf to have her first child. After being told the same as you and truly sad and almost bitter about not being able to get pregnant she miraculously got pregnant 5 years later. On her own. A true miracle. She now has 2 healthy beautiful boys. God is good! And you are one strong and compassionate woman to share your story in hopes of helping others! ❤️
-Mollie
Thanks for sharing, I too am in the 20%. And fertility does not come naturally. It is a hard and devastating road but as you know, God has a plan.
Prayers for our continued journeys!
Kellie
Thank you so much for sharing this. You helped give me the push I needed to request a referral to a fertility doc. I was tempted to let the bitterness soak in and deal with it in a few months when my schedule “slowed down”. Blessings to you and your family! I pray joy and Peace for your future babies!
Thank you for being 100% real all the time! We appreciate you being so honest!
I’m crying… Thank you for sharing and the reminder that everyone is human and has their own personal struggles regardless of how it may seem from the outside. From hunting to health to home life to home-builds, You are truly an inspiration!
Thank you,
I can’t tell you what this post meant to me, and your timing couldn’t be better. I’m so sorry about your loss. I am nou struggle to conceive for about 2 years now and it has been hard to stay positive, and sometimes I wonder if there is still a God. But to hear how positive you are and the word that God has a plan for all of us made me think again that my time will come. God bless your family Eva!!
This is such a hard topic. I got pregnant 8 months after we started trying and had a miscarriage at 7 weeks (one day after see the baby and hearing the heartbeat) 8 weeks later I started medication to try and get pregnant. We finally did. After our first we waited 9 months to start trying again. It took 6 months and we finally have our second baby girl. All those vulnerable feelings are normal. Good luck. God has a plan
Eva- Thank you for sharing your story. You’re right, it’s not something people talk about, but they should. It happens much more often than people think.
I’d like to share something with you in hopes that it helps you or someone else reading this. There are sooo many people in your same shoes who are able to conceive naturally after undergoing consistent chiropractic care. There are so many things that the body isn’t able to do when the nervous system isn’t functioning optimally, and pregnancy is one of them. I know of someone local to Charlotte NC that I really think would help you. Greater Life Chiropractic in Charlotte. Dr. Grant’s wife shares a very similar story and was able to conceive naturally through the power of chiropractic. I really hope you can check them out.
Oh Eva, I’m so sorry! Didn’t realize you and Tim had such a time having Leni! I haven’t been diagnosed yet, but being a nurse, I’m pretty positive that I have PCOS. People ask all the time when I plan to have children and I just say never because I am afraid it will never happen for me. I love your blog posts and this one really touched my heart! I hope all your dreams and wishes for more children come true! You are an awesome mother and God has a plan for you and Tim! Much love! ❤️
So sorry for your struggles. I have had many close close people in my life deal with infertility and it is such a hard struggle that many jut don’t understand. Even when your invited to a baby shower or you don’t feel like drinking at an event so everyone thinks your pregnant. Your blog made me tear up because I have children and I couldn’t imagine my life without them. I used to work in labor and delivery and I would see many mothers who would put there babies up for adoption and it would kill me knowing my close family just wanted the opportunity for one sweet precious baby. You are so strong for sharing your message. I will pray for your family and I know you will be blessed again. Just remember God’s timing is perfect . ??
Thank you for this post Eva. I cant imagine how hard it was to share all of this but as Im sure you know, it is reaching and resonating with us that are going through a very similar struggle. This made me tear up, you are a beautiful person and I really appreciate you sharing your story.
Hey Eva,
It means a lot to me that you posted about your experience with infertility. Me and my husband have also been told that our chances are very low of conceiving on our own. We also tried IUI except it didn’t work for us , so we have moved on to thinking about adopting in the future. Infertility is lonely, I have been ashamed and sad and embarrassed to talk to anyone about it. For a long time I have felt broken because I can’t do something a women is supposed to be able to do. It took me a while but I have found peace with our situation. Thank you for posting this, it’s nice to not feel so alone! I am so sorry for your loss, and please know your not alone either there are other women like me t out there that have experienced similar heartache.
Amanda
I needed this today. Thank you for sharing your story. I too am going through very similar struggles and I appreciate you for sharing your real, raw heartbreak with so many people when you don’t have to. Thank you! ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story about your journey.
I myself have PCOS and and pregnancy #5 we finally have beautiful Amelia Mae
She was born May 20th 2018.
Truly a Miracle
The loss will be with you forever, but now you know you can become pregnant naturally. Leni will be a wonderful big sister when the time comes. Thank you for sharing, I too am 1 in 5.
Thanks Eva for sharing! I’m also a PCOS girl and was told kids would be difficult to impossible but I didn’t back down and had to go through fertility treatments and now my son just turned 1!!
Eva,
Thank you so much for sharing. I too have PCOS. I was an only child who desperately wanted a large family. I had my first miscarriage at the age of 24 after finally getting pregnant with IUI. I didn’t have my miracle baby, Hannah until the age of 32. Her brother quickly followed up 11 months and 10 days later when I was 33. I had both of my children without the use of fertility treatments which is a miracle in itself. Fast forward to the age of 40 when I lost another one around 13 weeks. It is so hard to discuss but as you said so normal for many of us.
I appreciate you using your platform to help normalize this stigma.
Best,
Allie
Mom of 2 here and 2 in heaven.
Hannah and Landon. :))
Thank you for your bravery in sharing your story. We women NEED each other! This road can be so lonely, so having amazing people like you not be afraid to share really helps.
Your faith through the difficult road is inspiring and encouraging. Keep trusting in the Lord….that is the only place to find peace! Prov 3:5-6
Praying for y’all!
Thank you for sharing. Any baby is a gift from God and deserves to be talked about from day 1. Hugs to you. I have been in your shoes and it will get better and be so blessed with little sweet Leni!!
Thank you for being raw, open, and vulnerable. So many of us women can so relate with what you’ve gone through and like you said, are unsure of how to navigate through it. We tend to keep it to ourselves and it can be so hard and daunting. Your story touched me in that we can relate in this special way. Prayers to you and your family as you lean on God on and His plan. Xoxox
Thank you for sharing your story, Eva. I have so much respect for you! We have gone through miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy. It’s such a weird thing because it is a death…but our culture doesn’t treat it as such. God bless you and be your Comfort as you grieve your.little one and look to the future with great hope! P.S. We have 4 kiddos…our youngest just started her senior year of high school yesterday! But we miss the three that went to heaven before us…
Eva thank you so much for sharing your story. This is exactly what I needed to read today, so thank you ❤️ You are such an inspiration!
Hi Eva,
I am a wife, mother and I have known of you and your family for quite some time. I have relatives and friends who work for Cabela’s, we live in Wyoming and my husband and son are an avid hunters and outdoors man. I wanted to reach out to you and just say that I appreciate your sharing your story and your heart with the rest of us about your infertility and miscarriage. It is such a personal story. I wanted to share some information with you about a whole food nutrition product that can help to bridge the gap, between what we eat and what we should be eating and the great impact it can have on our bodies. I know that you eat very well, you hunt and put very wholesome food into your body. This is not a replacement for that its just a way to get the 7-13 servings that we are needing every day. It has some amazing health benefits and I have seen it first hand with women and infertility. I will add in a bit of information about it. I also included an article about Juice Plus and Fertility. I hope you will at least consider it. I would love to share more with you, if your willing to listen.
Thanks, Fawn
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1X9zHoSdew
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xB0bDpHNXQ
http://scalar.usc.edu/works/juiceplus/index
This is my story so much the same! I hope you relief hope and success in the future! My second was with conceived right after my miscarriage as I was put on progesterone until 12wks! Figures crossed you have a similar experience! Thank you for being so brave to write this blog!!
I really appreciate this post! I had a misscariage in January this year (what a way to start the new year). Yesterday would have been my due date. It was so heart breaking because we got pregnant so easy with our first who is about to turn 5 but not so easy this time. Just keep going forward and eventually it will all seem to be okay. I cried the day I realized it didn’t hurt so much anymore. I pray for your family to grow!
Hi Eva
I love that you shared this as I too have had a miscarriage after my first baby girl. Although we did have her unplanned and without issue, the second pregnancy did not go that way. I too told the world very quickly as I used it as a way to help myself. I hate to tell you but you will forever wonder as I’m sure you know. I’m 10 months post and still have hard times. My potential due date was the hardest, full of what if’s and wondering what it would have been like to have 2 under 2. I’m sure you have all the support you need and remember it’s okay to grieve and cry. Miss Leni is lucky to have a strong mama like you.
Happiness and health,
Tara
Eva, thank you for sharing. We went through this for 4 years and finally got our twin girls. One of which is Lennon “Lenni” ? I love your blog and everything you stand for!
Thank you for sharing such a private, emotional story with us. You are SO right about women not sharing their journey if they have experienced infertility or miscarriage. I just want you to know that you are not alone! I experienced a miscarriage between my first and second baby. Never in a million years did i think that would happen to me, but God knew it was not our time to grow our family. I know it sounds cliche when people say “Gods timing is always perfect”, but after experience a loss, I had to really lean on my faith and the support from my family. All that to say, God is always faithful and will carry you through this time of uncertainty and give you a sense of peace and understanding. God bless you Eva.
Thank you for sharing! The love that you possess shines through everything you do. We as followers do not know you personally but look to you as a public role model. Infertility, pregnancy and postpartum hit every woman and family differently but all have such a huge impact with how we see the world. Thank you for knowing you are not alone and understanding that others have very similar struggles. I was told at 14 I would not be able to carry a child and yet I sit here blessed with a six month old daughter. Defying odds and celebrating every moment God has given is possibly the medicine we all need.
❤️
So sorry for your loss Eva!! Thank you for sharing your heart!! I will be praying for you and your family and God works out all the details. God is good all the time! Rom 8:28 Love watching your journey with hunting, cooking, family and all your traveling!! You are such an inspiration to women and to my Daughter who loves to hunt!! God Bless you and your family!!
?Carrie
Thank you so much for being BRAVE! It really does feel better knowing that other women are going through the same experiences. It’s a journey that we share…some shorter and easier than others…others taking a longer route! Thanks for sharing your story today Eva…I needed it! On the journey TTC 1 year and going through ALL of the emotions every month!
You are such a strong woman and I look up to you so much! I still have a hard time talking about my lil boy that I lost four years ago. I was 15 weeks and had to go through labor and deliver a lifeless baby boy. It was one of the hardest things My husband and I have ever had to go through. I know that there is a reason for everything in life and we just have to trust in God’s plan and try our best to move on. My kids always remind us of baby William in heaven and make sure that everyone we meet knows that we have a angel baby watching over us. I’m so sorry you had to go through this, no mother should ever have to lose a baby. I know god has a plan for you and Leni will get her sibling one way or another. Good luck Eva, ❤️.
I’ve been following you for quite sometime now and just want to say, I’ve been in your shoes. Except- my husband and I at age 24 started the IVF process. Since then have successfully brought my son into the world (18 months now), lost a baby girl at 7 weeks, and am now pregnant again at 8.5 weeks. All through IVF. God truly does have a plan and this is just a piece of it. If you have to go through IVF please go to the best of the best- Dr. Schoolcraft at Colorado Center for reproductive Medicine. He is my doctor and founder. So many people waste time and money at local clinics and don’t get to bring that baby home ❤️
Sending love and prayers your way, Eva. I know the courage it takes to share this in private; I can’t imagine on your platform. But sharing truly brings healing to you and others. You are such an inspiration! Blessings to your family! ❤️
Eva,
Thank you for sharing your experience, as difficult as that must have been. Just a little more awareness and hope for the many women standing beside you with similar stories and our own mountains to climb.
Thank you for all that you do
Much love and many blessing to you and your family
Enormously brave if you to share your story and the raw truth of infertility and getting pregnant. We suffered two and every month I think we always dream of ways we will announce and the negative test reminds me that it’s not my time again. During our mc the guilt set in and mainly if I wouldn’t have worked out that morning or done a intense (ish) workout , would I still be pregnant? I felt the failure . I felt my body was broken and god didn’t love me . Truth was god was needing that little one in heaven. So my prayer to you is for peace moving forward and that one day your little Leni will have a sweet sibling to play with and always know one in heaven is watching down ???
Wow, thank you for your vulnerability. You make a huge impact in the world by using your platform for all the things you do. You are creating a place of community for women who hunt, who have felt loss, who love to cook and so many other things. Your post was beautifully written . Thank you for sharing and touching the hearts of all the people who follow you.
I am so sorry to hear what you have went through. I had trouble getting pregnant and thankfully the first medication I was on worked. I’m now blessed to have twin girls! I’ve had other friends who have had trouble also and one friend who has experienced four miscarriages. One which did not occur until after the she was half way through her pregnancy. It’s devastating no matter when a miscarriage happens. Thank you for sharing your joys and heartbreaks and remember you are not alone. Much love and prayers.
Eva, I know exactly what you’re feeling when it comes to the miscarriage. I had one in between my two daughters. It was an early one like yours but still devastating. But one year later I had a very healthy baby girl and I know when we all meet in heaven I will have a child there waiting to meet me. Keep the faith and thank you for sharing your story. It makes us all feel connected and stronger together. God does have a plan, and I’m so happy you know and believe that. I’m keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Thankyou for sharing your story Eva, We have been trying for baby number 3 for nearly 5 years and have to have fertility treatments, I’ve recently gone through my second miscarriage I know how hard it is, how much it breaks your heart. Know that we are all cheering you on from the sidelines xxxx
I hope you feel some weight lifted off your shoulders too for sharing your story. Thank you for sharing, I’m sure that was far from easy x
I hope you feel some weight lifted off your shoulders for sharing your story. I had a great pregnancy but after I had Mia Rose I was hit with a baaaad case of Post Natal – it was a dark place. Just goes to show we all have our own unique journey! Thanks for sharing…I’m sure that was far from easy x
Such a heartwarming story to those affected by this. Thank you for sharing!!
Thank you! Infertility is HARD and it’s no joke! Many of US suffer in private but it’s people like you who can break the silence. I too have tried two IUIs and finally got my family with IVF. Anyone going through this knows it’s a scary long journey but it can all be worth the wait. Thank you for being strong and sharing!
Thank you so much for sharing this, we have been trying for over a year now and I get the same feelings you described. It’s so nice to know that we are not the only ones struggling ❤️
I am so sorry for your loss. God has a plan, as you know, and I hope his plan is the same as what your dreams are. I’m praying for you and your family. Thank you for sharing your story ?
Eva, thank you for sharing such an intimate part of your life. You are such an amazing person. I too had fertility issues but was unable to ever get pregnant. I had to have a complete hysterectomy.
Casually scrolling through Instagram today, came across this, and can’t begin to explain how much it helped me.. My husband and I experienced a miscarriage last month with what would have been our first baby.
I have always hunted with my dad and grandpa, but got into archery when I met my now husband and have always followed you on social media. I was lucky enough to meet you at ATA and even chat about it being Leni’s birthday! (She’s one of the top reasons for my baby fever ?).
Thank you so much for sharing. There is a plan for us and I can’t wait to see what it is!
Very brave of you to share your personal story and so soon after such a sad loss Eva. Thank you for sharing and reminding us that real life happens to everyone. Sending positive vibes during trying times like this.
My husband and I are trying as well and it’s only been a couple of months, but the struggle is real! Good luck to you and Tim! ?
Thank you so much for posting this I needed it?
Thank you for sharing this. My husband and I have had a realllly hard time building our family. Like unbelievably hard. But I remind myself that God is bigger than any situation. Any diagnosis. Any loss. Anything. He has a plan even though it doesn’t seem like He knows what He’s doing. He does.
This post could not have come at a better time. I suffered a Misscarriage in June and also found out I was pregnant and lost it in the same week. Reading your blog gave me comfort knowing im not the only one. It wasnt until I had mine did I realise how common it acually was, that the’re are people who understand the pain but noone talks about it openly. It’s still hard for me to watch everyone around me carry healthy pregnancies. I am glad you shared this with us.
Eva you’re a very special person. I’m so glad I follow your blog. I wish you and your family the very best in life. Thank you for your voice. Give Leni a hug…. that little girl could make anyone feel better. ?
Now I am crying. I am just starting out on my fertility journey. At times I feel so alone as my family doesn’t understand. Thank you for making me feel not alone.
Thanks for sharing Eva! And being brave! I’m trying to currently get pregnant and have just stopped the monitoring with apps and whatnot as it’s making me crazy. Just about to start tests to see what is up. So who knows where we will be. Also don’t loose hope. My cousin has had 7 misscarriages (of varying terms) to get her 2 beautiful daughters. And I know she is grateful for the heartaches she had to endure to get those smart little ladies.
Thank you for sharing your story. Anyone that has been through a miscarriage knows how horrible it can be. It’s almost a relief to hear other people’s stories because even though we all have our own experiences the pain of the loss is relatable. I’ve had one miscarriage. My husband and I are trying again. It’s a tough decision because the loss is so painful, and the fear of another miscarriage. However, the desire to have a family is greater than any fear. God is good and he does have a plan for all of us. Good luck to you and your family.
So sorry for your loss. My wife and I had a stillborn in March 2003. We were devastated.
There were a lot of emotions that I’m sure you’re familiar However, in January 2004 my wife delivered our youngest child and we thank God every day for our family (even when they try our patience). There are no words to comfort you but please remember you are not alone on this journey. It’s okay to grieve and mourn. But don’t do it alone. God has provided you a helpmate so lean onTim when you feel burdened and overcome. God bless your family.
Your post was so raw and honest and brought me to tears. I feel for you, just as many other women (unfortunately) do. Snuggle your sweet girl and God’s plan will play out in your life! Your bravery to share this and relate to other women is amazing. ❤???? we are all in this together!
I do not have PCOS but I did have a miscarriage my first pregnancy, I understand all the heartbreak and heartache and it is never easy to tell anyone. I remember being by myself at the doctor when I found out and crying my eyes out not being able to reach my hubby. I drove to a friends then when I finally got in touch with hubby and knew he was on the way home I was too. I called and told his Mom and my parents anyone else that called that day 15 years ago talked to him I just couldn’t. God does have a plan and has reasons for His timing even though we don’t see it. I do have fibroids so badly that I am in pain for several day each month none of this woman stuff is easy, through prayer and support we can all get through it though. Thank you for sharing and know that you and your family are covered by many including me and mine in prayer.
Eva, my doctor told me something after my miscarriage that really stuck with me and became a mantra as I worked my way through the grief of losing a baby girl – “This is not your fault.”
I repeated it to myself a thousand times over the long months following my loss. As moms, we tend to blame ourselves for every little thing, but I hope you can remember that this is one thing for which you cannot blame yourself.
Thank you for opening up and relating to so many of us on such a deeply personal level. Sending lots of prayers for your peace and strength as you push forward on your journey. ❤️?
I admire your strength and courage to share your story, Eva. Leni is such a little blessing. I started following you when my husband and I lived in Pittsburgh for his job. We had been trying for over a year and I actually had a miscarriage myself. Soon to find out they were way more common than I ever even knew about. Which almost makes it worse in a way.. the last thing I wanted to hear was that what I was going through so many other women go through too. Because no one could possibly be feeling the way I was at that time. I ended up moving back to MN to be with family and my hubs came 3 months after that. Somehow we were blessed with a baby girl the first time trying and she was due Jan 14, 2017. So I was actually following your pregnancy journey the whole time and have since felt like Leni and Natalie would be great friends (haha, seems crazy but I think because your so personal on Instagram its one of those “I feel like we’ve been friends all this time, but not really, because you have no clue who I am” kinda thing. Thanks for sharing your story, it impacts more than you’ll ever realize. Praying for your next little miracle!
I’ve been diagnosed with PCOS since 2006 after a miscarriage. My husband I struggled for years to get pregnant. We are in our 30s now and finally pregnant and in our second trimester with a boy!! Thank you so much for sharing your story. More people need to know about this and there shouldn’t be a stigma. I look up to you as a hunter and now even more so that you’re so real about this situation.
Thank you for sharing. It’s so easy these days to think those we follow on social media have the perfect family, perfect life. But we all have struggles and sadness, thank you for giving us a glimmer into yours that so many can relate to. Prayers and peace to you and Tim! ♡
This was beautiful. 3 weeks ago I found out I had a missed miscarriage, I was 11w5d. My body did not want to let the baby go. I have a healthy 4 year old little girl and she’s amazing,but it’s just crazy how much a loss affects us and makes us realize life is so precious. Love your daughters name and she shares my Birthday! God has a perfect plan already planned we just have to see what it is! Stay faithful and God bless!
You are amazing. Keep a positive attitude. If it is God’s plan, it will happen. He does not give us more than we can handle. Hugs to you, Tim and Leni.
Thank you so much for being open and real with your story. We are in a four-year battle with infertility and it makes it easier to know that I am not alone. Praying for you guys!
Your words give strength to women everywhere, Eva! I’m sorry for your loss, you are not alone. I miscarried my first pregnancy and never felt such pain and heartache in my whole life. I now have an almost 2 year old and am 8 months pregnant with his little brother. God has a plan for all of us and when it comes it’s the happiest thing we could imagine! ?
Thank you for sharing your journey. Family is big for you and myself. I’m an aunt to two beautiful girls. It wasn’t easy on my sister or our family during the logistics of medical science to have her second child. This subject isn’t talked about enough and it affects many more than the couple. I am so thankful everyday that my nieces have each other. Ironically they are the same gap of years apart as my sister and I. Our relationship was rocky growing up, but to see characteristics of ourselves come out in them is a pure joy. I have faith Leni will become a big sister.
All losses are heartbreaking. My fiancé and I lost our second son last year to a heart condition, he was full term and lived 3 days.. we had no idea he had any issues up until 3 weeks before he arrived. It’s been a year next week and it’s been really hard, but we’re so thankful to have our first son, who’s 3 to keep us going and moving forward! Thanks for being so strong and sharing your story!
Oh my Gosh, Eva….
You have been a hero of mine for so long and this just makes me love you that much more. I remember the day i found out i had PCOS….. i popped a 50$ bottle of wine and toasted my life long dreams of a family goodbye. This post made my heart so happy. There is hope. You are awesome in every way!
I’m so sorry for your loss. I have had two miscarriages myself and now finally have my almost two year old daughter. After going through that experience, I was so surprised to hear so many stories of loss from other women. I didn’t realize it was so common. I’m sending my best wishes and prayers to you and Tim and hope that you are able to find comfort and healing.
Eva
I am sorry both you and Tim had to go thru this. I lost 3 babies and we were never able to be parents. I guess God had other plans for us. Your Leni is a little doll. Thank you soo much for sharing her. I enjoy all your posts of her. I will keep you all in my prayers.
Sincerely,
Maria
Thank you for not only bravely sharing your story Eva, but normalizing the topic.
My soon to be husband (we are getting married September 29th!!) and I are going to try to have a baby within the next two years and infertility and miscarriages are something that absolutely terrifies me. I have repeatedly expressed how anxious I am that I won’t be able to get pregnant and the anxiety is because I’ve DESPERATELY wanted children since I was in high school.
I am hopeful that everything will go smoothly but there is always that anxiousness that stays while facing the unknown, and especially since neither of us has ever had children before and we want them so badly.
Thank you for your story and touching people, even those of us who have yet to have a baby, and normalizing a topic that often times makes people feel “bad” for being open about such a challenging life experience.
You’re a wonderful human, woman, hunter and mom.
Eva, Thank you. This is another example of your strength & bravery. While reading, I became so happy for you & Tim. Of course as I continued reading this, I began crying for you both. For me, getting pregnant and carrying a healthy pregnancy was super easy for my body. I didn’t have authentic family support and so after giving birth I experienced a sense of defense & sadness. My body showed this struggle immediately by my requiring surgery 3 wks after baby 1, bed rest 11 days after baby 2 and preplanning post baby 3. And in the middle, I too experienced a miscarriage I shared the early “positive” of only 1 week prior to loosing. … Eva, listen to your body. Then decide. X
I am so glad that you shared this Eva! I know that is a difficult thing to talk about and especially share with you have never met. But I always say that God has a plan for everything and just because we can’t see what He is doing doesn’t mean that he’s not doing it. Keep your head up. It may not always work out how we want it to, there is a reason for that. Thank you for sharing such an intimate thing with us.
Eva so many share your story. I too, didn’t realize how many people go through this until I did and opened up about it. I went through 5 miscarriages in 3 years. Just when we gave up, and moved on, we got pregnant. He is three weeks old and perfect. I don’t understand God at times but I have a beautiful baby boy in my arms as we speak. I encourage to never lose faith. Thanks for sharing ?
Thanks Eva, I love this post! Praying for you and your sweet family!
Thank you for sharing your story. I had a miscarriage 2 years ago. I was always told it would be hard for me to have a child and then boom at 39 years old I learned I was pregnant. I finally got my mind wrapped around it and then God had another plan. I went through the emotions and I finally said God needed another angel. Prayers to you and Tim and keep the faith. Leni Bow is precious!
Thank you for this. 2 years 3 months secondary infertility. Its like you took all the words out of my mouth. Sometimes you do forget that you are not alone , your normal, the whole thing is normal and its ok to talk about it . I wish you and your family all the best on this journey .
I love the way you write Eva Shockey; and even though I am 64yo, (no chance of me with pregnancy) Althought Sarah and Elizabeth thought the same thing 🙂 THIS STORY is what I needed to hear today! Your Faith in God and your willingness and boldness to share IT and your life with us has left an Spiritual Impression on all of us! Thank you so much for your candidness and I want to share this with my granddaughter who is going thru some of the same and just know that you, Leni Bow, Tim (yes!) Nana Weezy (especially) and even Big Poppa Jim are in my prayers! #alwaysonmyprayerlist
my oldest daughter story is just like yours. The great news about that, I got a grandson named Hunter who was an absolute complete surprise!! Keep keeping on I’ve raised three girls to be strong woman like yourself and I’m sure your dad is just as proud of you as I am of them!!
Eva and Tim,
Thanks for sharing this…my wife and I have had multiple losses one at 37 weeks and another at 22 weeks…. needless to say over the past 2 years.
I agree with you, sharing is needed and it’s alright to have this dialogue in a constructive way. Your post just grabbed me by the heart.
Eva and Tim,
Thanks for sharing this…my wife and I have had multiple losses one at 37 weeks and another at 22 weeks…. both occurred over the past 2 years.
I agree with you, sharing is needed and it’s alright to have this dialogue in a constructive way. Your post just grabbed me by the heart.
❤️?? Thanking for sharing your story. You are such an inspiration and exceptional example for so many women. Love and prayers to you, Tim and Leni as you all continue on this journey.❤️
All in His time, Eva. Trust God and be gentle on yourself. ??❤️
Thank you for sharing this Eva. God does have a plan and I’m
Positive you and Tim will be blessed when more healthy precious babies. Your a strong beautiful lady ❤️
Thank you for this post!
Thank you for sharing! It’s somehow comforting knowing that you’re not alone. Praying for you and your family! ❤️
The great news is that within two years after having a baby you’re still super fertile and it’s easier to conceive. And more great news is that you did conceive naturally! It’s very heartbreaking that it ended the way it did, but there’s hope that you could very well conceive again. I too have PCOS and had to take fertility drugs for our first but the next two care naturally. So don’t give up and know that God has a great plan for your family.
It is so brave if you to share your story. Sending lots of hugs, love, prayers, and positive thoughts to you and your family.
I also have pcos and had a hard time getting pregnant. Thank you for sharing your experiences with everyone and letting people know life isn’t always as perfect as it seems. Praying for your broken heart and that your rainbow baby comes soon, healthy and happy.
As you can see, you aren’t alone. It’s funny, when I opened up about my infertility & PCOS… so many people opened up right back to me. Our son was a miraculous blessing conceived through a failed IVF cycle. I was sure to take in every moment, thinking we would never have any more kids without $$$$ put away. Sure enough, our daughter was miracle #2 exactly 2.5 years later.
Take it easy on yourself. Enjoy life and take one day at a time. You never know what could be waiting for you tomorrow xoxo
First, so sorry for your loss. It definitely helps discussing it. Most of my friends and myself did so much to avoid getting pregnant before marriage and once we did in our late 20s and early 30s we all started realizing how difficult it would be. Many had different issues coming up and we learned through talking and being there sharing with each other that everyone’s situation is different.
I have tried many treatments and also have PCOS, we will be trying IVF for the 2nd time this year and hope for success.
You and Tim seem to have a beautiful and strong relationship and that is certainly what you need by your side. This experience strengthens strong couples, we all live our own journey and things change over time compared to what you planned for the best advice is to just LIVE! What is meant to be will happen and if you have your family and faith you will be just fine.
Praying for you guys for your family to grow!
I understand your situation. I was diagnosed with PCOS at 21. My husband and I tried for 6 years before my son happened with medication. Then is just happened naturally the 2nd time around. Now we are pregnant with our 3rd! I know that feeling of thinking that maybe kids are not in God’s plan for my life, but now I feel so blessed with what I have been given. You are a strong woman and God has big plans for your life. I feel like we would get along so well!
This is beautiful. Heartbreaking, but beautiful. It just goes to show that you really dont know what is going on I someone’s life behind closed doors and the ones that have the biggest smiles are sometimes the ones who are hurting the most. I hope women continue to share their stories and be open and honest about the daily struggles. None of us are perfect, and we all go through hard times but we can all be there to hold each other up and get through it. Thank you for your story. Thank you for your positivity on the other side. Praying for good things for you and your family.
Eva, you are truly inspirational! Thank you so much for sharing your story! How you share your stories and write your words make me feel like I am having a conversation with you. I hope there is another book in your future as well! Absolutely love your blogs! Also, thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. And when that day comes when you announce your pregnancy, you will have so many people deeply happy and excited for you!
Thank you!!! ?
Eva, my heart breaks as I read this. I too have PCOS and it took me two years to get pregnant and I had to use fertility drugs to make it happen. So many women suffer from this and I am glad your talking about it.
Eva, I’m so sorry to be reading about your long hard journey to starting your family. I’m so thankful to have read this is a different reason. It took a year for me and my husband to get pregnant, it seemed to be such a special time only because I took a pregnancy test on our first wedding anniversary and it was postive! I couldn’t believe it after a year and each month taking a test and being disappointed I finally seen the plus sign. I took him to our favorite hunting spot and told him he was going to be a dad. After 4 days of being excited and wrapping our heads around it I started cramping and bleeding. It happened. I was having a miscarriage. I couldn’t stop crying. A year, I tried and waited a year for this to happen and just like that it got taken away.
After it happened, I didn’t know if i wanted to even try again right away. This was the hardest decision. So we decided to not “try” and just let things happen and two months after our miscarriage I was pregnant!
I know everyone has a different story and in some way it’s so comforting to know your not alone in this.
Sending you love and support
They say writing and telling something very personal is the best therapy. I applaud you for opening your heart what you and Time went through. Enjoy watching and listening to you and your family. You are a great role model for all the young women out there. Keep up the great work
I am so sorry for the heartbreak you’ve been through. Believe me when I say, I absolutely know where you’re coming from. Maybe I read this for a reason, as my husband and I are going to be trying for no. 2 the beginning of 2019…it took me almost one year and two miscarriages to conceive my son. I almost fear the future, but I know that God will be with us no matter what! Thank you for sharing your story. God definitely blessed y’all with sweet Leni!
I have tears in my eyes reading this right now. My boyfriend and I have been trying for a baby for just over a year now and it is so discouraging every month waiting time see if it worked this month. It’s hard trying to stay positive, going for blood tests and ultrasounds and tracking your cycle every month. Its nice to know I am lot alone. You are so blessed to have Leni, she is adorable and God willing she will have a sibling someday.
It is a hard subject to talk about and you are right not many people do talk about it, it’s nice for people to know they are not the only ones going through this. We are not alone!
I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage! It’s so crazy how common they are. My husband and I had a hard time getting pregnant too, but I think it had to do with stressisng about getting pregnant ?♀️ Then one day when we weren’t really thinking about all of that because we had so much going on we got pregnant! Only about 2 years after first trying. This is a great read thank you so much for sharing!
Btw I just realized Leni and I have the same birthday!
Eva,
Thank you so much for sharing your personal experience. I too have PCOS and when I was first “diagnosed” with this condition, giving reason for our fertility battles, I felt broken and alone. But as I’ve learned to be more open about this condition, we are certainly not alone and are beautifully made by God!
Although I put my faith and trust in God with His plans for timing of growing a family, it continues to be an emotional rollercoaster as each month you hope this could be it.
Your courageous post has certainly re-instilled feelings of comfort and peace as I am reminded that all great things come from God. While we may not understand why, He has a unique plan for each one of us and His timing (not ours) is everything.
May your family have a blessed and Happy New Year in 2019 🙂
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Thanks for sharing, Eva. I also had a very similar experience. Even to the point where I took a pregnancy test before a wedding as well–also hyperventilated in my bathroom! Was shocked to learn about how common miscarriages were and continue to be. It’s the worst feeling to sit there and second guess every move you make. It’s times like those where you can really lean on your support system–and I pray every couple that goes through such a thing has a really great support system as well.
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Thank you so much for sharing something so personal and raw. I’m pregnant at age 34 with my first. I also didn’t think I could conceive and I’m amazed yet also nervous about possible miscarriages. I follow you on fb and insta and you’re a real life inspiration to other women. I hope to meet you someday. Congratulations on your baby due soon!
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I just wanted to say THANK YOU for sharing your journey. My husband and I tried for 6.5 years to have a baby before trying IVF last spring. We had no cell division. We were devastated. However, miraculously the following cycle I got pregnant naturally. I had a pretty perfect pregnancy, and had a due date of 2/10. However, baby girl was making no movement towards the birth canal in the last weeks, so we scheduled a c-section on 2/4. Come to find out, the umbilical cord was in between her legs in a way that she couldn’t turn. We had a successful delivery, and she and I are doing great! My husband and I both adoring you, and all that you do for women in the outdoors, agreed to name her EVA! Her middle name is after my father, Chandler. We hope that she will look to you as a role model for her endeavors. May you and your family continue to be blessed!
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